Goodness! Here we are! 3 months left in the year and still running this dang healing marathon. Since my initial visit with my neurologist, I have had a medication change (which was exciting until I had an adverse reaction to the medication and had to stop it two days later). When I went back for my follow up visit to the neurologist, she (and I) were not happy with the seizure activity and felt that a medication change was in order. She informed me that my blood levels were showing that I have a resistance to Keppra and that my body is simply not absorbing the medication. We already knew that the Dilantin was not effective for me, so the plan was made to sub out medications and work to wean off Dilantin in a couple of weeks. Unfortunately, last night, I began to lose the ability to use my arms and my legs (that's a terrifying experience). I attempted not to panic, but felt something was seriously wrong. I grabbed the information packed for the new medication I was taking and found that my symptoms warranted an immediate phone call to the physician's office. It was either that or go to the EC and my experience at the EC has been less than satisfactory, so I chose to contact my neurologist. She informed me to stop taking the medication immediately and to get in contact with her offices on Monday to see about getting in to see her again this week. I seriously hate having to call late at night, but I wasn't sure what else to do. I will go back to see her again this week and I am sure we will try another medication to see if we can find effectiveness elsewhere. I am honestly kind of glad that bad reaction happened because I felt really down and terrible for the two days I was taking it and I didn't like the way it was making me feel. I was trying to give it time to adjust to my system, but apparently my body had other ideas. I guess we will see what she has to say when we go back this next week.
Otherwise, things have been continually busy. Football season has been in full swing and I have managed to find the energy to attend all home games this season so far. It has been a great experience and I am looking forward to finishing out the season.
I feel that my healing goals have adapted lately. Before I was so focused on getting back to running, that it was almost a hard blow to not be able to be as active as I would like. Now I feel like my goals are evolving in an effort to build up to that larger, end goal of returning to the one thing I love. I'm working on baby step goals, or small victories. One of my goals is to be able to get through an 8 hour work day without having a seizure, or feeling worn out beyond measure. Another goal is to be able to tolerate a little more sunlight so I can get out and get some more Vitamin D3 in my system. I feel like these smaller goals are very important and I'm trying to take a page from my own book in my teachings to my chronic pain patient's. It is very easy to be focused on the end result and sometimes it causes you to miss everything in between. I am constantly having to re-evaluate my situation and re-work my goals to accommodate for changing scenarios and situations. I have a new found respect for my chronic pain patient's. Other medical professionals may label them, lazy, unmotivated, etc. but I recognize there is no truth to those words and those who have never experienced hard times, do not understand the constant battles of just getting through the day.
A Quiet mind is all you need. All else will happen rightly, once your mind is quiet. As the sun on rising makes the world active, so does the self-awareness affect changes in the mind. In the light of calm and steady self-awareness inner energies wake up and work miracles without effort on your part.
-Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj
