This is RAW

**DISCLAIMER: This blog post is, in essence, everything I intend for it to be. The statements in this blog are merely aspects of me that are an important part of my personality and individualism.  The acceptance of my character traits (both good and bad) is the base of this article. This is a personal journey that I have knowingly and somewhat unknowingly embarked on over a period of time and the tools and practices that have led me to this point.

Another period of time has passed since my last blog post. I have not had much time to write. In the chaos of moving, I tripped over Koda and tore her ACL and permanently dislocated her knee cap. She goes in for Surgery on Monday morning (the same day I start my new job). Jeramy decided that instead of keeping our stuff in storage in a non-climate controlled area in Lubbock, he wanted to bring it to Austin because Climate controlled units of similar size are close in comparison of cost. We rented a U-Haul and an additional trailer and Jeramy flew up to Lubbock to pack the stuff up and bring it down. With the exception of a few items that remain with family, we are officially moved out of Lubbock and I am so happy to be done with that part. The house hunting process continues….

As far as my health is concerned, this post is going to take a different approach. This will be the last bit of “casual” blogging about my health journey. I will shift my style to cover topics and practices that are relevant to whom I am as an individual. For the sake of those who would call me out, I will blog regarding significant events and major changes in my health as they occur. Over the past 7 months I have been working on eliminating conversations related to “Brain Surgery” and “Cancer” as a topic of casual and work conversation. While it was necessary to discuss my health state initially, over the past year I have let it develop into a type of “crutch” for me, as well as an out for others to place my faults on. It led to many difficult conversations and the realization that I needed to start making decisions that benefit my future goals, instead of just going along with what others wanted from me. I was provided special treatment to allow for necessary visits and accommodation to allow me to work to my full extent, but it seems that also may have built some resentment from others (I cannot speak to those truths as they are merely my observations and do not reflect the other side of the equation). Despite efforts made by all, I discovered that I needed to head in another direction. When Jeramy informed me that his company wanted him to transition to Austin, I honestly breathed a huge sigh of relief. I had discussed in depth with my Cognitive Behavioral Therapist the possibility that I may need to make changes to be successful and remain happy, but I wanted badly for things to work out. I successfully began eliminating aspects of my past from work conversations, and have been able to find employment without mention of my condition. Recently in June, I began attending Yoga classes in Austin and found a “Cancer” Yoga class that was free to attend. The class consists mainly of Breast Cancer survivors and a few others (I am the only brain cancer survivor there). It is a type of practice referred to as “Kundalini”. It defies everything most people think about when Yoga comes to mind. The instructor focuses on aspects of meditation, mantras and mudras that have a healing basis. The class helps survivors focus on reducing stress and dealing with aspects of recovery and post radiation/chemotherapy fatigue and side effects. This practice has focused heavily on using the mantra “Sat Nam”, Sat means Truth and Nam means name. It acknowledges that truth is not a matter of right and wrong, or anything that can be written out in black and white. For me, Sat Nam is embracing who I am as an individual and accepting the things I cannot change (like other’s opinion’s of me, learning to follow my gut, and accepting my imperfections as they are). It means to accept my beauty and my faults and recognize that one cannot exist without the other. We are beautiful because of our imperfections.

So, I say to you, “Sat Nam”.