**DISCLAIMER: This blog post is, in essence, everything I
intend for it to be. The statements in this blog are merely aspects of me that
are an important part of my personality and individualism. The acceptance of my character traits
(both good and bad) is the base of this article. This is a personal journey
that I have knowingly and somewhat unknowingly embarked on over a period of
time and the tools and practices that have led me to this point.
Another period of time has passed since my last blog post. I
have not had much time to write. In the chaos of moving, I tripped over Koda
and tore her ACL and permanently dislocated her knee cap. She goes in for
Surgery on Monday morning (the same day I start my new job). Jeramy decided
that instead of keeping our stuff in storage in a non-climate controlled area
in Lubbock, he wanted to bring it to Austin because Climate controlled units of
similar size are close in comparison of cost. We rented a U-Haul and an
additional trailer and Jeramy flew up to Lubbock to pack the stuff up and bring
it down. With the exception of a few items that remain with family, we are
officially moved out of Lubbock and I am so happy to be done with that part.
The house hunting process continues….
As far as my health is concerned, this post is going to take
a different approach. This will be the last bit of “casual” blogging about
my health journey. I will shift my style to cover topics and practices that are
relevant to whom I am as an individual. For the sake of those who would call me
out, I will blog regarding significant events and major changes in my health as
they occur. Over the past 7 months I have been working on eliminating
conversations related to “Brain Surgery” and “Cancer” as a topic of casual and
work conversation. While it was necessary to discuss my health state initially,
over the past year I have let it develop into a type of “crutch” for me, as
well as an out for others to place my faults on. It led to many difficult
conversations and the realization that I needed to start making decisions that
benefit my future goals, instead of just going along with what others wanted
from me. I was provided special treatment to allow for necessary visits and
accommodation to allow me to work to my full extent, but it seems that also may
have built some resentment from others (I cannot speak to those truths as they
are merely my observations and do not reflect the other side of the equation).
Despite efforts made by all, I discovered that I needed to head in another
direction. When Jeramy informed me that his company wanted him to transition to
Austin, I honestly breathed a huge sigh of relief. I had discussed in depth
with my Cognitive Behavioral Therapist the possibility that I may need to make
changes to be successful and remain happy, but I wanted badly for things to
work out. I successfully began eliminating aspects of my past from work
conversations, and have been able to find employment without mention of my
condition. Recently in June, I began attending Yoga classes in Austin and found
a “Cancer” Yoga class that was free to attend. The class consists mainly of
Breast Cancer survivors and a few others (I am the only brain cancer survivor
there). It is a type of practice referred to as “Kundalini”. It defies
everything most people think about when Yoga comes to mind. The instructor
focuses on aspects of meditation, mantras and mudras that have a healing basis.
The class helps survivors focus on reducing stress and dealing with aspects of
recovery and post radiation/chemotherapy fatigue and side effects. This
practice has focused heavily on using the mantra “Sat Nam”, Sat means Truth and
Nam means name. It acknowledges that truth is not a matter of right and wrong,
or anything that can be written out in black and white. For me, Sat Nam is embracing
who I am as an individual and accepting the things I cannot change (like
other’s opinion’s of me, learning to follow my gut, and accepting my
imperfections as they are). It means to accept my beauty and my faults and
recognize that one cannot exist without the other. We are beautiful because of
our imperfections.
So, I say to you, “Sat Nam”.
